Thursday, 26 August 2010

Dress code - Wobbly

Being a girly girl, fashion is important to me....clothes, jewellery, shoes and bags, I love shopping for them, owning them and wearing them - ask anyone who knows about my 'shoe' closet! But I have found myself in rather an upsetting position over the past couple of years - my body's changed. Yeah, yeah, I hear you say, whose hasn't, but I have actually found myself on the verge of tears quite a few times. I used to be a UK size 8/10, not hugely skinny these days but still very slim. These days I'm comfortably in a size 12, again not drastic (I can practically hear you rolling your eyes people) but it's the change in body shape that's most difficult to deal with.

This recent tear-fest has been bought about because once again I'm searching for an outfit for a night on the town. I'm not (that) old but hitting the bars and clubs along side a whole heap of skinny, cellulite free teenagers is enough to make me stuff the shots of Jagermeister and just down the bottle. Whilst I was taking a couple of years out to make and deliver a baby a whole new wave of youngsters acquired their ID and starting painting the town red, I innocently started going back out and spent the night wondering if I had accidently stepped into an under-age disco!

I think it's a combination of having a sproglet and just getting older but things are there that definitely never used to be. My hips are slightly wider, fair enough, makes sense but what is this extra padding? If any waistband dares to be too tight I have what I think people refer to as a cough-muffin top-cough - sorry kills me to say it! When did that come about? I never noticed! Just seems like a damn joke from Mother Nature. And don't mention the mummy tummy....uh Lord! I think it's always going to have a jiggle no matter what and if anyone male mentions 'sit ups' I will take them DOWN. So I now have to learn to dress for a more 'hourglass' shape, though it's made more of jelly than glass. I have to learn to accentuate my waist whilst strapping down my cake bits (still can't say m****n t*p). Then we come to the girls and I always had a tradition of agreeing to all wear dresses when we had a big night out. I used to shave, moisturise and stick my highest heels on. Now its, dry brush, shave, exfoliate, moisturise, tan, apply highlighting bronzer down front of leg and then put on highest heels I can find. This is all to make my legs look smoother, longer and therefore thinner, urgh! But even that's got worse, to my horror, I think I have discovered I have fat knees. Is that possible? Is this Mother Nature having a damn giggle again. I swear its true, they look, kinda, wobbly. And don't even get me started on my cankles. So I'm toying with the I'm-so-too-cool-for-school-I-just-have-to-wear-skinny-jeans idea, couple those with a cake hiding top and job done!! Though it does seem just a little bit of a shame for all the cute little dresses out there :-(

I don't think stores help with their messed up sizing guides. I still wear a pair of casual trousers from Miss Selfridge that are a size 8 and yet had the worst experience recently with Topshop that nearly made me buy a pair of size 16 trousers?? Topshop, achingly trendy Topshop, worshipped by celebs here and in the US...I am thinking of renaming it but I won't mention it on here as it's too rude. See, I went in for a pair of tailored black trousers, easy peasy surely. I found a pair in the right leg length and in a size 12, they looked really really small so I caved in and took a 12 and 14 into the changing room. The 12? Don't ask. The 14 was okay-ish! To be really really comfortable I would have needed the 16. WTF??? Here's the thing, they fitted my hips but weirdly left my crotch area some little skinny, hip and happening 22 year old in London is trying to tell me my hips are too big for my vagina? Hmmmmmm? Me thinks I will be sending a rather curt email to 'Toppers'. My opinion is that the UK fashion industry try to come up with a more standardised sizing guide, admitted we are all different body shapes, but there has to be some way to stop poor women like me crying on the changing room floor and then flinging the items harshly back at the (size 6) sixteen year old who gaily asks "were they okay for you madam?". Madam??? I'm 32!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think the moral of the story is to learn to work with what you've got. Look after yourself by all means, eat well and exercise (as we all know this is for the inside as well as the outside) but don't start vomiting your meals up to be a size 8. You may have to start trying on items that you may have previously discounted and tune into Gok Wan weekly but it can be done. If in doubt remember your two best friends, shaping underwear and absolutely fantastic gorgeous bags. Now I'm off to cut some labels out of my clothes ;-)

Not the skinniest girls ever, but still gorgeous! See?

1 comment:

  1. Hunny I agree with you completly the sizeing of clothes are mad...and well i learnt from a very early age make the most of what you got and black hides a multitude of sins same as slouch jeans..xx
    You should deff make all this in to a book at the end of the year pet....just fab xxxxxxxxxxxx